"Reclaiming Desire"

The Sexual Issues Self-Test
Adapted from The Sexual Desire Self Test by Drs. Brandon and Goldstein

To take this self-test, simply answer each question based on the following scale:

Please be honest with yourself, and take time to really think about each response. Your responses will serve as guideposts for your journey toward a stronger sense of your sexual self, and a more satisfying sex life.

Physical Health

1. I don’t eat a particularly healthy diet.
2. I am not all that physically active.
3. I drink and/or smoke more than I should.
4. I always feel tired.
5. I am ashamed of my body.
6. For me, sex can be uncomfortable or even painful.
7. I can’t focus on pleasurable physical sensations when making love.
8. I never take time to pamper my body with things like hot baths and massages.
9. I can’t remember the last time I felt sensual.
10. I don’t like when my partner sees me naked.

Total

Emotional Resilience

1. I feel sad much of the time.
2. Often I am too irritable or “on edge” to make love.
3. I get angry with my partner over the most minor things.
4. I struggle just to manage my daily routine.
5. I don’t enjoy life as much as I used to.
6. I feel very uncomfortable with my physical appearance.
7. I am unable to relax during sex because I am so self-conscious.
8. I avoid telling my partner how I really feel.
9. I am not empowered in my relationship with my partner.
10. I have experienced some form of sexual trauma in the past.

Total

Intellectual Fulfillment

1. I avoid opportunities to learn new things.
2. My partner and I rarely just talk anymore.
3. From a young age, I learned that sex is wrong or dirty.
4. I was raised to believe that “proper” women don’t masturbate or talk during sex.
5. After a certain age, women shouldn’t be interested in sex anyway.
6. When my partner and I make love, I tend to focus on what feels uncomfortable or unpleasant.
7. I’m not as open to experimenting during sexual encounters as I used to be.
8. I don’t have sexual fantasies.
9. I don’t tell my partner about my sexual preferences.
10. I know very little about my partner’s sexual preferences.

Total

Spiritual Contentment

1. My life lacks purpose or meaning.
2. I feel unfulfilled, as though I’m not getting what I want from life.
3. I don’t engage in hobbies that would nurture my soul.
4. I am so busy that I tend to neglect my spiritual self.
5. Outside of sex, my partner and I seldom spend “quality time” together.
6. My partner and I don’t connect on a spiritual level.
7. My partner and I share no common life goals.
8. Sometimes I feel that my partner doesn’t really know me.
9. I don’t experience any particular warmth or passion for my partner when making love.
10. Sex between my partner and me is boring.

Total

Interpreting Your Scores

Once you’ve added up your score for each component, you can compare them to determine where you’re doing well and where you may need improvement. We suggest focusing on the component with the highest score first. The higher any one score, the greater the likelihood of an imbalance that could be affecting your sexual experience.

Physical Health

Your physical health is the foundation of your sexuality. While specific medical conditions can interfere with sexual satisfaction, improper self-care—poor eating habits, inadequate exercise, excessive alcohol consumption—just as easily may be to blame. We’ve noticed, too, that many women who experience declines in sexual satisfaction simply have lost touch with their physical selves.

Emotional Resilience

According to conventional medical wisdom, if a doctor can’t pinpoint a physical cause for a woman’s sexual concerns, then it must have a psychological cause. We rarely, if ever, see a case that’s so cut-and-dried. That said, your emotions play a crucial role in your sexual interest and response. If you are dealing with stress or depression, for example, you probably won’t experience sex as very satisfying until you address the underlying emotional upheaval. A poor body image also can take a toll on your libido, as can past sexual trauma.

Keep in mind, too, that emotional struggles between partners often play out in the sexual arena. Do you feel anger, frustration, or disappointment in your relationship? Until you and your partner work through these feelings, you may resist physical intimacy.

Intellectual Fulfillment

A high score in this component suggests that you aren’t getting enough intellectual stimulation and satisfaction from your life. As a result, you may not be all that interested or satisfied sexually. The same can happen if you and your partner aren’t connecting on an intellectual level. Boredom with the nonsexual aspects of your relationship often translates to boredom in the bedroom.

The intellectual component of sexual wellness also encompasses your thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes about sex and sexuality. If you’re like most women, you’ve accumulated this information over a lifetime—from your parents, from your religion, and from society at large. More fully enjoying your sex life may mean shedding some of these myths and misconceptions.

Spiritual Contentment

Many of our clients express surprise when we ask questions about their spiritual contentment. In fact, spirituality has a direct impact on sexuality. If you don’t make an effort to nurture your spiritual self, you will feel some sense of emptiness in your sex life. Fostering a spiritual bond with your partner is important, too. It adds a dimension to your sexual encounters that you can’t experience otherwise.

If you have a high score in the spiritual component of sexual wellness, your primary task is to clarify and seek purpose and meaning in your life, and in your relationship with your partner.

For more information about the book, please select from the following:

• See what other Professionals are Saying about Dr. Brandon's new Book.
• Is Dr. Brandon's Book Right for you?
• The Sexual Desire Self Test Developed by Drs. Brandon and Goldstein.
• Buy Reclaiming Desire: 4 Keys to Finding Your Lost Libido